🚦My brain has no traffic lights!

Hey friends,

It’s been a while. I was MIA last week because I had a very long Sunday. I was also mentally preparing myself that week because I had a lot of scheduled meetings, experiments, and appointments. My brain was overloaded with many things, so sitting down to write a newsletter felt impossible. Thankfully, I didn’t miss anything crucial last week… I think?

This week I’d like to talk about something a little bit more personal. For the most part, I am an open book. You’ll find different parts of me all over the internet— if you know what you’re looking for. But this one’s a little bit closer and newer(?). Last week, I had the privilege to be diagnosed with moderate ADHD. First, I say it is a privilege because we all know how inaccessible psychiatrists can be. Seeking professional help for our mental health is difficult financially too. (I consider myself lucky to have free access to professionals here at our university.)

I was hesitating to share this information with a bigger crowd. Knowing that some of you are strangers, I was afraid to be looked at differently. Honestly, I have this mixed feelings of not needing to explain myself and wanting to destigmatize ADHD. I sat on this thought for a couple of days, and I think I feel ready to share bits of information. Just a disclaimer, I’m not a mental health professional, and I’m merely sharing my experience. :)

For starters, there are different types of ADHD. There’s hyperactivity/impulsivity, inattentive type, and there’s also a mix of both. I have the inattentive type. The easiest way for me to explain what’s up in my neurodivergent brain is this: Imagine roads without traffic lights. Cars are equivalent to thoughts, and they just come and go. The fastest car has the strongest message. Ideas generally come out of nowhere in my brain, and it’s difficult for me to focus on one. My forgetfulness comes when the thought with the most substantial impact on me blurs out the rest of the other thoughts.

I’ll give you a practical example. Today, I had all the energy and intention to clean my room. There’s unfolded laundry at the foot of my bed when you look around. Sitting on my desk were dirty mugs from last night and this morning. So when I decided to clean my room, I thought I would start by putting away the cups, folding my clothes, and sweeping the floor.

I started by moving the dirty cups to the kitchen sink. I saw stacks of plates waiting to be washed when I got there. So I thought, “Okay, I’m gonna wash these quickly and head back to my room.” And so, I washed them. As I walked back to my room, I saw the keys to the mailbox and remembered, “Maybe my paycheck is already here.” I hurried outside to check the mailbox. And then outside, I saw our dry plants, and I thought, “I need to water the plants or else they’re gonna die.” and so I watered them. After three hours of doing everything I didn’t plan to do, I returned to my room with no more energy to clean it.

You see, it’s not mere laziness anymore. I’ve done millions of other things and thought of million other thoughts than what I intended to do or think. It’s my ADHD brain telling me that when I see a cue, I have to act on it. Sometimes, it’s challenging to stop and to notice which among the million thoughts is the most important at the moment. My sense of time is not linear, too; sometimes, when I’m uninterested in what I’m doing, 15 minutes of work feels like 5 hours. There are also days when I hyperfocus on something for 3 hours that I forget to do all my other daily tasks like eating lunch and brushing my teeth.

Right now, I’m still developing new coping mechanisms to help me stay in my “chill state” (more on the different states in the future). It’s paralyzing when I’m unable to manage when my symptoms manifest, which affects my academics, my experiments, and my relationships too. I knew there was something unusual going on up here, and I’m thankful that I have developed support systems in my life to help me cope so I won’t have to take meds (no stigma if you’re taking meds, you do you! I don’t prefer this course of treatment because I have no money lol).

You can read more about Inattentive type ADHD here. If you think you also manifest these symptoms, I hope you’ll find ways to cope, too— whether that be seeking professional help or utilizing the support systems in your life as well.

Sincerely,
Sheehan

---

🪧 Announcements

It’s the beginning of my Spring semester today! I wish everyone who’s starting something new this week the very best. I’m honestly excited to have classes again because somehow my days will be structured lol. I’m also looking forward to doing art things this week~ I’m sure my ADHD brain will be distracted so painting will be a good de-stressor. See you next week!

🌈 My Favourite Things (take what you need!)

🎧 Music

THIS.

I learned this trick from my psychiatrist. He also has ADHD, and he said that listening to white noise when trying to focus helps calm down our racing thoughts. He was right. I thought this might help someone out.

🐦 Tweet

let my people glo ✨ @MichellCClark

when you’re being too hard on yourself, take a step back and try to talk to yourself like a supportive friend. stop dwelling on mistakes you’ve made. be proud of yourself for trying. gas yourself up, unconditionally. celebrate every step forward. give yourself your flowers.

📖 Verse of the Week

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”